Me

I was once so broken inside that trying to put myself together was impossible,

When I counted piece by piece, like beads from a Japa Mala,

Muttering bitter verses, vocalizing mute words,

There was always a missing piece,

Perhaps the core…I guess my soul,

The twirl of my own deeds,

The heavy burden of fears I’d carried from womb,

Made it impossible to feel safe, complete, but most importantly to be me,

Then I realized that to rebuild a crumbling castle

One needs to pull it down first,

Dig deeper than before and root new foundations,

Strong like an oak, versatile like a weeping willow,

And then little by little, bloom again,

Embrace the sky with nothing but gratitude,

And nurture faith in the heart,

Feeling it flapping slowly, then faster and faster,

Until you can feel as if a hummingbird is trapped in your chest,

And you only need to breath,

Open your eyes though the sun might hurt them a little bit,

And see how beautiful life can be

Only if your strongest love comes from yourself to yourself,

So, if you see me walking by the seashore,

Barefooted and smiling,

It’s because I’ve come back home,

Anew and smelling fresh,

Like the ocean, like the breeze,

Like the hymn I’ve always wanted to be…

If you see me walking in the rain and jumping into the little muddy ponds,

Smiling fully, singing and stepping the ground like I owned it,

You’d better know…that’s just me,

That’s the real me…the one I thought I’d buried at sixteen,

Under tons of suicidal plans,

And heavy showers of guilt…

If you see me grinning broadly,

You’ll see that there’s no hype, no pretense…just me

The real me… the one and only,

Stripped and unabashed

Stripped and content

So glad I could find myself again.